First Step

01/03/2019

It was another day , and I still feel tired after all the sleep. i needed to be dragged onto my feet for yet another day. I'm concentrated on waking up but not at all focused, being able to open my eyes is a distant memory.

Fast forward from that I'm late for work again, late for something I dearly love; my job. It has been an reoccurring theme now a days , like for all the things i had been in love with in my past. It has always felt like this , the first step. I have been here before, my road to recovery. Thing is I have been to the start line time and time again but never started. I wonder if its one of those days.

Today has been a slower start to the day than usual, but like always I was accompanied with my music which helps me pick up my pace and get on with the ever-fast world of today. It's always the same calming unconditional love wrapped in painful vocals for people like me, just so I could feel that I belong… Somewhere. Otherwise what is life, if not a feeling of being attached to something; for good or for bad. Even a wondering nomad is attached to their companions, its surroundings, the nature, the one that they depend on for everything.

A usual day at the office would mean i could go home in the right frame of mind, but when has anything been usual in my life. So I am looking out of the window waiting to walk under the twilight back to a place I call home.

Walking out of that door brings such change in emotions, suddenly I am not constrained to something and am held by nature in it's arms. The cold touch of fresh air when I take a deep breath is what I live for, when I have my thoughts all to myself and I can talk about it without judgment. And as always good things must come to an end as I am surrounded by people again, but there is always tomorrow.